What an episode…

It’s seventy-one days out of rehab and Lindsay Lohan‘s sober coach flew the coop. His place seems to have been taken by the “Trainer And Coach Of All Things Lifelike To The Stars” who is vying for the job of Lohan’s new manager-slash-agent.

LiLo is on the phone with her manager to “like call and check in and see….” Lohan is now setting up her own appointments with directors because her manager isn’t doing it for her. Lohan acknowledges that she is a “flight risk,” and nobody is going to give her that chance anymore. So, that’s progress. But it’s short lived as LiLo goes on to blame her agents for not “changing the conversation” when Lindsay’s name comes up in meetings and everyone writes her off as a lukewarm mess.

lindsay lohan

image via the Daily Mail

Clothes, shoes, accessories, everywhere. Everywhere! Piles and piles of clothes that Lohan has never and will never wear. So she decides to sell some of her prized possessions to make room for furniture. Or, because she’s really that strapped for cash. While the consignment shop picks through her piles, LiLo shops for new used clothes with the elder Lohan, which totally defeats the purpose because she buys more than she trades in, and what kind of mother lets her troubled daughter dig that hole even deeper? This is just so sad.

The moving truck arrives at 8:00 a.m. with more clothes for Lohan. More clothes! Whee! “Purses? Downstairs.” There are too many boxes for her “tiny” apartment, so the Lifestyle Of The Not-So-Rich-Or-Famous tries to get rid of some of the boxes before Lohan arrives in an effort to calm the chaos. Wait, what? Lindsay has been in the apartment the whole time, asleep. Sleep! Sleeping! Through a move! Oh hahahaha, the Life Coach lights “a fragrant candle” and it makes “all the difference in the world.” Yeah, that should do the trick.

Poor Matt. Poor, poor obedient Matt. He receives a text from Linsday that she wants the production crew to leave. “Pull everyone out…now.” Oprah is not going to be happy. The new plan is to move the new stuff out of the apartment to make room for the new new stuff, or furniture. It’s like a giant puzzle. At 12:40 p.m., Lohan emerges from her cocoon to pick through the lifetime of crap she has collected. She quickly retreats to the terrace with a friend and, I’m just going to toss this out there, she does not strike me as entirely sober, in a word-slurry kind of way.

LiLo is going to Los Angeles for seven days to have “career-advancing meetings” with her Life Coach To The Stars at her side, and she does not want the crew shooting her over there. All of the planning occurs without the assistance of a proper undergarment. Buy a bra, Lindsay! Really, trust me. Uh oh, the Life Coach accuses LiLo of drinking, which does not sit well with Ms. Lohan. She blames it on her mother projecting blah blah blah, and does not appreciate it being said on camera.

During her seven-day trip to Los Angeles, she did not contact her Life Coach and did not permit any filming. And the tabloids questioned her sobriety, taking a photo of her looking a mess and reaching for a bottle of wine. She admits to drinking one month earlier and blames that oopsie on being in a new relationship with someone who does drink.

But it gets worse. While in Los Angeles, Lohan blows off an appointment with a very important person in the industry that the Lifestyle Coach arranged for her. The Coach is not pleased and seems about ready to cut this off the second it appears that the checks might no longer clear, but Lindsay doesn’t even give her the chance. The next evening, she refuses to see the Life Coach. “Sometimes it’s better to leave before it gets ugly….” Okay, sure. Or, you just got fired by Lindsay Lohan for suggesting she might not be sober.

Next week, more of the same.