Time for our Ladies of London recap! Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
I missed the first twenty minutes of this show-slash-dreck because my DVR hates me and tuned in just as Caroline bounces Caprice out of her house. The argument has something to do with Noelle and Marissa, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what, or why, or who am I kidding? Nothing these ladies do makes any sense at all so it’s best to just roll with the verbal punches.
Caprice is packing for the good ol’ U.S.A. even though she’s a million months pregnant and will return with two babies. She calls Annabelle to fill her in on the draaaaahma. According to Caroline, Caprice never greeted her at her own party, and brought other people gifts. And, she called Caroline a bully in her own home. So… that’s it? That’s what got Caprice thrown out of a dinner party. Hmm. I guess maybe I didn’t miss much after all.
Annabelle encourages Caprice to call Caroline and talk through their problem because she’s a pot-stirrer. Instead, Noelle calls Caroline to tell her that she’s done being in the middle. By trying to make everybody happy, she makes nobody happy. When it’s time to pick sides (because they are twelve years old and this is the playground?), Marissa (who isn’t even in this conversation) decides to take Noelle’s side, and I didn’t even think Noelle had a side. I’m so confused!
In Los Angeles, Caprice’s surrogate pops out the first kid and they bring it to Caprice like a prize. I guess it’s that simple? Once the check clears it’s, “Here, have a baby.” Then, Caprice goes into labor and cranks out Baby Number Two, who is declared “the sweetest.”
Annabelle’s horse racing coach visits her in her invalid state. The race was very exciting, but everybody missed dear Annabelle. To cheer her up, the racing coach reveals the McQueen striped and skull silk blouse that Annabelle would have worn if she hadn’t gotten herself all busted up. I’m not really feeling this whole “McQueen Designs From Beyond The Grave” thing. Stick to vintage, ladies.
A polo party! Whee! All of the ladies except for Caprice and poor busted Annabelle attend. It is announced that Caprice had her babies, but Juliet doesn’t care one bit. Noelle and her not-yet-divorced boyfriend claim that they are very happy together, but it seems… forced. Horsies! And men on horsies! Playing a game I do not understand. And the Royals are in attendance! Then, a dance party. Because when I think of a polo match, I think of autotune.
Oh! Cavalli! Drink!
In a last bit of news before the conclusion of this series, Caroline and Caprice no longer speak. Yet the earth continues spinning.
Linda Sue Strong is the founder of entertainment blog TerribleTelevision.com and an occasional attorney. Her life has not yet been turned into a reality television show. Follow her at @themisslinda.