Is it Tuesday already? It’s time for our Ladies of London recap !
Caroline visits Annabelle on her near-death bed. Annabelle’s “I’m so weak and can’t get out of bed” yet her makeup is flawlessly effortless, as is her completely wrinkle-free grey heathered t-shirt. Caroline calls her incredible for checking herself out of the hospital and taking care of herself at home, but I believe the word she was looking for is stupid. Or maybe overly dramatic? No, that’s two words. Definitely just stupid.
Caprice is the next lady to pay her respects to the poor invalid Annabelle. It is explained that this is the “second worst accident you can probably have.” Good to know.
There’s another dinner party, this time hosted by Caroline. But first, Caroline wants to teach her friends etiquette. Because it’s totally good manners to give your guests etiquette lessons as a condition to attending your dinner party. She invites Noelle and Juliet, and to set the tone, Caroline arrives in denim shorts. The etiquette coach fails Noelle for “plunking herself down” and “putting elbows on the table.” There’s also the way Noelle is sitting, sipping, and finally Juliet arrives. Late. To etiquette class. Noelle scoops her soup incorrectly, Juliet slurps her noodles, and I think Juliet had a recent appointment with her Botox specialist because she’s having trouble achieving facial expressions beyond surprise and incredulity. Or maybe those are just the two most appropriate facial expressions for the occasion.
The Wellington is a bar that is bigger than Big Ben and Buckingham Palace combined. There is a poster signed by all of the Sex Pistols that Marissa deems “very cool.” Caroline brings the ‘muricans there to teach them British history as a follow up to her lesson on British manners. The topic of Caprice’s baby shower comes up, and Marissa feels obligated to plan it since nobody else wants the great honor.
It’s finally time for the party and Caroline’s chef takes a break from gutting fish to recite the evening’s menu. The staaaaaahhhf do a run-through of the arrival. Oh my goodness, is her assistant a five-pack-a-day smoker? That voice! It’s like a foghorn on a sunny day reciting poetry to a bullfrog.
Noelle wears a skanktastic gold leather bondage-y dress, Marissa is in something resembling Laura Ashley’s housecoat, and Juliet bridges the two looks with Holly Hobby On A Bender. Upon arrival, Noelle explains that she drank Caroline’s gift on the way. So…etiquette class worked out really well for everyone.
On next week’s Season Finale, Caprice arrives to talk some delusional truths before giving birth in a hospital gown more believable than the one Annabelle has been sporting.
Linda Sue Strong is the founder of entertainment blog TerribleTelevision.com and an occasional attorney. Her life has not yet been turned into a reality television show. Follow her at @themisslinda.