Say it with me: bras suck. They are a necessary evil, but they seriously suck. They are not the most comfortable thing in the world and sometimes it is impossible to find one that works with your outfit. Backless dress or plunging neckline? Good luck with those stick-on monsters! Halter top? Good luck finding a halter bra (or actually even a halter top) outside of 2004. Thin straps? Guess you have to go strapless. And then of course you can only really wear a strapless bra for a few hours before you feel your soul slipping silently out of your cracked and bruised rib cage.
If I could, I would probably go braless all the time. Which is why my response to the not-at-all clever play on my name/Ireland’s “Erin Go Braless” is always “I WISH!” Except then I would have to move to a temperate climate where it was never chilly. Because of that annoying problem that comes from being cold, and not wearing a bra. You feel me.
Also, can we talk about how much care you have to put into washing your bras? You have to wrap them in that little thing so they don’t get tangled in your eyelet lace tank tops or hooked on your cardigans. Then you have to hang dry them, which can be a little embarrassing if you have male housemates. And then they eventually lose the battle and the shaping starts popping out. It happens so aggressively and unexpectedly while you are on a second date with that cutie from your bio lab that you lose a limb.
Say it with me again: bras suck!
But there is a way that you can make your ever supported life a little less terrible. It seems like a weird solution, but hear me out. Are you listening? Come a little closer. There are men in the room and you know how unnecessarily squeamish they get when we talk about these things too loudly (it’s just because they still can’t figure out how to unhook them the first time) okay, a little closer. Good. You want to know the secret?
Buy the good bra, dammit.
Just buy the good bra.
Stop buying them from Forever 21 or Target. I know they are cheap! I know they are cute! I know that they match like sixteen pairs of the 5 for $20 underwear you buy when you don’t want to do your laundry. I know! But you are an adult-like person now. Get rid of the bras with the stretched out straps. Get rid of the ones with the shaping that scratches your underarms. Throw them away. Light them on fire like you are at Lillithfair. Save up the babysitting money you usually spend on extra booze or pedicures and buy a few good bras.
Not sure where to start? Well, here are a few ideas (that won’t really break the bank so you can still probably get a pedicure)
You need a standard catch all bra. Something that isn’t too padded. Something that goes under your everyday wardrobe. Something you can buy in every color and be pretty much set. It needs to be comfortable (as comfortable as a bra can be) and it should probably be a low-frill as possible. We are looking for practicality, ladies.
Try: Sabrina Contour Bra by Felina -$44.00
(image via felina)
The Sabrina has everything you need: it is lightly padded, super comfortable, cute and comes in a few different colors. Boom! There you go.
The Push Up
Sometimes you need some extra oomph, you know? Nothing wrong with that. We all get it. You do you girl. Besides, a push up bra is way better than doing push ups, right?
Try: Bombshell Bra by Victoria’s Secret- $58.00
Simple. Comfortable. Adds two cup sizes. Pushes your boobs up to your chin. Check, check, check and check.
Strapless bras are kind of the worst. But also totally necessary. Comfort and stability are of the up most importance here. You want everything to stay in place, and you want to make it through the day while still maintaining the ability to breathe.
Try: Strapless uplift bra by Gap- $39.50
Is it a normal bra? Is it strapless? Is it criss-cross? Is it backless? Who knows?! It’s all of them! You need one Swiss Army Knife bra in your artillery.
Try: Embrace Convertible Extreme Plunge Push Up Bra by Jezebel- $36.00
(images via jezebel)
This bra might actually be more versatile and useful than a Swiss Army Knife.
Will you buy the good bra?